[atmospheric electronic music]
♪ ♪
[sighs] "HI, DAVE.
"I WANTED TO INTRODUCE MYSELF.
"MY NAME IS LAURENT,
"AND I'M YOUR FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENT FOR THE SEMESTER.
"I LIKE TO PLAY SOCCER.
"OUR TEAM IS VERY GOOD.
"I LOVE MEETING NEW PEOPLE AND EXPERIENCING NEW THINGS.
"THAT I HAVE A GIRLFRIEND BACK HERE,
"BUT SHE'S FINE WITH ME HAVING SOME FUN WHILE I'M IN THE USA.
"I HAVE ENCLOSED A PICTURE OF ME AND MY BEST FRIEND.
I CAN'T WAIT TO MEET YOU."
[mumbling]
[driving rock music]
[car horn honks]
(Shantz) YO, CALM DOWN, FUDGE PACKER.
I'M DOING SOME VERY IMPORTANT WORK HERE.
WHAT IS THAT?
YOU, YOU HAVE ANYTHING THAT COULD PLAY THIS?
NO, MAN, NOT 8 MILLIMETER.
DAMN IT.
SHANTZ, YOUR MATH ASSIGNMENT,
GAVE YOU A B-MINUS
JUST SO WE DON'T RUFFLE ANY FEATHERS.
SWEET! MY GENIUS!
ALL RIGHT, SO YOU HAVE A GEOMETRY TEST TODAY.
IT'S ON PROOF OF TRIANGLES AND POLYGONS.
TRIANGLES AND-- AND POLYGONS?
POLYGONS.
WHAT, THAT'S IN WASHINGTON FOR HISTORY.
I DID-- DUDE, I PROMISE YOU.
THE POLYGON IS IN WASHINGTON, D.C.
NO, NO, THAT'S THE PENTAGON, MAN.
THAT'S THE PENTAGON.
(Shantz) SHIT.
[driving rock music]
(man) ♪ I LOOK OUTSIDE TO SEE MY DREAM A WAYS ♪
(Shantz) GET YOUR POWDERED-COLOGNE ASS OUT HERE!
SO SHE'S BLOWING ME.
MY GRANDPA CALLS.
OH, NO!
GRANDPA ERNEST.
I TALK ON THE PHONE THE WHOLE TIME.
THERE SHE IS. THERE SHE IS.
GET HER.
[laughter]
[cheering] HEY, GUYS.
(Jay) YEAH, BRO, SHE SMELLED THAT SHIT.
[laughing]
HEY, YO, DAVE, GET YOUR ASS OUT HERE
BEFORE ROBYN COMES OVER AND MOLESTS ME.
DAVE BETTER BANG THAT CHICK THIS YEAR.
(Jay) FOR A GIRL LIKE THAT
TO BE A VIRGIN,
THAT'S LIKE HAVING WINGS AND NEVER FLYING.
THAT'S PRETTY DEEP, JAY.
BEEN SAVING THAT ONE FOR A WHILE.
WHAT'S UP, DAVE?
HEY, WIENER BREATH.
YOU WANT ROAD HEAD?
I'LL GIVE YOU A BLOW JOB RIGHT NOW.
(Hashbrown) YOU KNOW WHAT, SHANTZ? YOU'RE STUPID.
(Jay) IF YOU'RE SO SMART, BRO, YOU WOULDN'T HAVE GOT CAUGHT.
(Shantz) OH, COME ON, THAT WAS TOTALLY WORTH IT.
THE LOOK ON LONNATINI'S FACE?
THAT WAS PRICELESS.
(Shantz) DO THE FACE. DO THE FACE.
[laughter]
JAY, BECAUSE OF US GETTING CAUGHT,
YOU NOW HAVE SOME HOT PIECE OF TAIL
STAYING IN YOUR HOUSE FOR THE NEXT THREE MONTHS.
YOU SHOULD BE LICKING MY TAINT.
KEEP ASKING, BUDDY.
NEVER GONNA HAPPEN.
LOOK, IT WILL BE AN EASY "A," OKAY?
AND NEXT YEAR, WE'LL BE LAUGHING ABOUT THIS AT "O" STATE,
SO LET'S JUST DO THIS THING.
YES! YO!
[singing spiritedly]
IT'S GREAT.
OH, DISCO DANNY.
WHAT'S UP, DUDE?
DON'T FIGHT IT.
OW, FUCK.
BRO, BRO, GET IT AWAY.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
THREE YEARS AND HAVEN'T GOTTEN IT RIGHT.
DUDE, I FEEL SORRY FOR YOUR DICK, MAN.
[moaning]
I GET IT. I GET IT.
OH, DUDE, DAVE, CHECK THIS OUT, MAN.
FOUND IT IN MY DAD'S BASEMENT.
THINK IT'S SOME KIND OF OLD-SCHOOL PORN.
IS IT A FILM?
YEAH.
THERE'S A LIGHT RIGHT THERE.
SHE'S GOT THE 70'S HIP-TO-HIP.
LOOK AT THAT.
LL? WHAT'S LL, MAN?
UH, "LONG-HAIRED LADIES," I GUESS.
[all speaking at once]
LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE.
PEOPLE.
PEOPLE!
SHUT YOUR GAPING HOLES!
ALL RIGHT.
NOW, YOU'RE ALL HERE BECAUSE YOUR EXCHANGE STUDENTS
ARE ARRIVING TODAY.
(man) WAIT, WAIT A SECOND.
I THOUGHT WE WERE THE EXCHANGE STUDENTS.
OH, MAN.
I WAS ALL READY TO GO TO AMSTERDAM, MAN.
AH, CRAP, I EVEN BROKE UP WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.
AND I QUIT MY JOB
AT HOTDOG ON A STICK, MAN.
I TOLD MY DAD OFF.
IT WAS HARD TO PACK THE SLEEPING BAG.
THAT'S A GREAT EXAMPLE
OF WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE DUMB.
IS EVERYONE ELSE SURE THEY'RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE?
YES, MA'AM. RIGHT HERE.
PRESENT. [clears throat]
GOOD.
FOR EACH OF YOUR FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENTS.
THEY ARE BEING DROPPED OFF
AT 3:00 IN THE SCHOOL PARKING LOT.
YOU ALL ARE GOING TO BE SHINING EXAMPLES
OF WHAT OUR BEAUTIFUL SCHOOL CAN PRODUCE.
(Shantz) UH, PRINCIPLE LONNATINI,
THE FOUR OF US WOULD LIKE TO GRACEFULLY WITHDRAW
FROM THIS WONDERFUL OPPORTUNITY
TO ALLOW OTHER DESERVING STUDENTS THE CHANCE--
ZIP IT, MEATHEAD.
AFTER THIRD PERIOD, I'D LIKE TO SEE THE FOUR OF YOU
IN MY OFFICE.
DUDE, THIS IS GONNA TOTALLY SUCK BALLS, MAN.
YOU AND JAY GET HOT, HORNY GIRL BABES.
I GET SOME EASTERN BLOCKHEAD.
DUDE, COME ON, MAN.
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS WAITING FOR ROBYN TO COME AROUND.
WHATEVER.
OH, FUCK, MIA HO. TURN AROUND.
WHO'S HO?
MIA HO.
JUST TURN AROUND PLEASE.
HI, DAVE.
HEY, WHAT'S UP, HO?
HI, SHANTZ.
OH, MY GOD, DAVE.
THIS WEEKS ISSUE OF THE HUGHES HERALD IS BRILLIANT.
THE PIECE YOU DID ON THE SCHOOL MARCHING BAND
I REALLY LIKE THAT YOU USED MY NAME IN IT.
THAT WAS SO SWEET.
WELL, YOU KNOW, I USED
EVERYONE IN THE BAND'S NAME, SO IT'S...
OH. I KNOW.
BUT IT'S TOTALLY SWEET.
SO YOU WANT TO HANG OUT LATER?
OH, SORRY,
BUT HE CAN'T.
TO LOOSEN UP OUR FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENTS.
MAYBE ANOTHER TIME, HO.
SHANTZ, WHY DO YOU ALWAYS CALL ME BY MY LAST NAME?
IT'S A JOCK THING.
I DO IT TO EVERYBODY.
HEY, BOYLE, WHAT'S UP, BUDDY?
IT'S WHAT I DO.
KEEPIN' IT REAL.
ALL RIGHT.
WHATEVER.
WELL, ANYWAY, MAYBE ANOTHER TIME, DAVE.
ANY TIME.
ALL RIGHTY.
ANYHOO.
MY LITTLE DAVIE READY TO BANG SOME FRENCH CHICKS OR WHAT, HUH?
I DON'T KNOW. COME ON.
I REALLY DON'T WANT TO SCREW SHIT UP WITH ROBYN AND I.
WOW, YOU KNOW, FOR A GIRL, YOU GOT A LOUSY RACK.
FUCK YOU.
OH, HEY, ROBYN.
(Robyn) HEY, SHANTZ.
DAVE, ARE YOU GOING TO FRENCH WITH ME?
FRENCH WITH YOU?
CLASS, FRENCH CLASS.
RIGHT.
UH, NO, ACTUALLY,
I FORGOT TO DO MY HOMEWORK, SO I THINK I'M GONNA SKIP.
OH. YEAH.
SO WHAT ARE YOU LADIES DOING TONIGHT?
NOTHING, ACTUALLY.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING?
UM, WE'RE JUST--
JAY'S HOUSE. YUP.
LOVE FOR THE FOREIGNERS.
ALL RIGHT? BE THERE.
AWESOME.
YOU TWO SHOULD WEAR SOMETHING LOW-CUT
OBVIOUSLY, I'M GONNA KILL JAY FOR NOT TELLING ME SOONER.
I GOT TO GO GET ME AN OUTFIT.
OKAY, SO I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT.
YEAH, I'LL SEE YOU TONIGHT.
I LOVE YOU.
BALL CHECK.
OH, FUCK.
DID YOU JUST-- JESUS CHRIST.
DID YOU JUST SAY "I LOVE YOU"?
THE FUCK'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
HEY, LET ME REMIND YOU ABOUT WHO YOU ARE TO ROBYN, OKAY?
NO NOOKY, NO ASS, NO POONTANG, NO BOOTY,
NO SWEET, SUPPLE VAGINA,
NO BOBBIN' ON THE KNOB LIKE CORN ON THE COB,
NO GETTING YOUR PEE-PEE WET, NO SKIN FLUTE SYMPHONY,
NO LABIA LIP-LOCK, NO BEATIN' THE GUTS,
NO CERVIX SUCKER PUNCH, NO MUSHROOM MASSAGE,
NO MOUTH HUG, NO LONG STRIDE LEFTY,
YOU KNOW, IF YOU WERE A LITTLE CROOKED LIKE ME,
NO SPRAYING THE SWIMMERS--
ALL RIGHT, SHANTZ, SHANTZ, SHUT THE FUCK UP.
I GET IT, JESUS CHRIST.
LOOK, I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE A POINT, DAVE, OKAY?
IT'S SENIOR YEAR.
I ASK YOU AGAIN,
WHEN ARE FINALLY GONNA GET YOUR LITTLE IN THE MIDDLE?
I DON'T KNOW, ALL RIGHT?
LOOK, ALL I KNOW IS, WHEN IT HAPPENS,
I WANT IT TO BE PERFECT, OKAY?
I WANT THERE TO BE FIREWORKS AND MARVIN GAYE PLAYING,
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY,
I WANT IT TO BE WITH ROBYN, OKAY?
LOOK, YOU GOT TO FORGET ABOUT ROBYN.
FORGET ABOUT HER.
MIA HO.
MIA HO IS THE WAY TO GO.
YOU KNOW SHE WANTS IT.
AND THAT ASIAN PUSSY IS SO TIGHT,
IT'LL MAKE EVEN THAT LITTLE PECKER FEEL BIG.
YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU'RE A BITCH, BUT YOU'RE RIGHT.
I KNOW YOU'RE JUST LOOKING OUT FOR ME, MAN.
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT, DUDE. THANK YOU, THANK YOU.
WHY IS THERE A POSTER OF YOU UP THERE?
WHAT?
OH!
YOU'RE A DICK.
PRINCIPLE LONNATINI, YOU--
YOU REALLY LIKE BUSH,
DON'T YOU?
YES, YES, I--
I LOVE BUSH.
I MEAN, WOW, YOU REALLY, REALLY LOVE BUSH
DON'T YOU?
YES, I DO.
AS MUCH AS I LOVE BUSH, I PREFER A NICE LANDING STRIP.
[snickering]
A GOOD SHAVE IS ALWAYS NICE.
[snickering]
[laughing]
YOU MEAN LIKE A BRAZILIAN WAX?
[laughing]
WHAT?
DID SHE JUST SAY THAT?
[loud thud]
GOD DAMN YOU.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS EXACTLY
WHY I BROUGHT YOU ALL IN HERE.
YOUR COMPLETE LACK OF RESPECT FOR ANYTHING IMPORTANT
IS AN INSULT
TO EVERY NATURAL-BORN AMERICAN.
I KNOW YOU MAY WANT TO COAST THROUGH YOUR LAST SEMESTER
LIKE THE WORTHLESS LITTLE PARASITES THAT YOU ARE,
SUCKLING ON THE TEAT
OF THIS UNITED STATES GOVERNMENT-FUNDED INSTITUTION.
YOU REMIND ME OF AN ITCHY LITTLE RASH
THAT YOU GET ONE NIGHT UNDER THE BLEACHERS
WITH YOUR DRESS PULLED OVER YOUR HEAD
AND ALL YOUR CLASSMATES YELLING, "KATIE ROTTENCROTCH!"
[whispering] ROTTENCROTCH?
THOSE WOUNDS NEVER HEAL.
BUT THIS IS A BEAUTIFUL SCHOOL,
FULL OF BEAUTIFUL AMERICANS THAT SHOWER EVERY DAY,
AND THEY DON'T SPEAK ANY OTHER LANGUAGE
BUT GOOD OLD-FASHIONED AMERICAN ENGLISH.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW WHO I WANT IN THIS SCHOOL LESS,
YOU FOUR
OR THOSE BURRITO-MUNCHING SAND TURDS.
I HAVE SPENT
MY ENTIRE LIFE BEING PRO-LIFE,
BUT I'M RETHINKING IT NOW.
GET OUT.
(man) HASHBROWN,
ARE YOU WITH US ON THIS PROBLEM?
UH, YEAH, YEAH, SURE.
GOOD, WELL, THEN I'M SURE YOU WOULDN'T MIND
COMING UP TO HELP US OUT WITH IT.
WORD.
YOU SKIPPED A GRADE, RIGHT, SON?
TWO ACTUALLY.
I HAVE A LOT OF FRIENDS AT M.I.T.
I'LL PUT THE GOOD WORD IN FOR YOU IF YOU WANT.
ACTUALLY, I'M GOING TO STATE, BUT THANK YOU ANYWAY.
STATE? YOU'RE BETTER THAN THAT.
THINK ABOUT IT.
SO, CHELSEA, YOU COMING TO MY PARTY TONIGHT?
I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, IF YOU DON'T COME,
I CAN'T COME.
IT'S YOUR PARTY, JAY.
WOULDN'T YOU COME ANYWAY?
(Jay) PROBABLY,
BUT IF YOU COME, I AM GUARANTEED
TO COME.
WELL, I WANT TO COME.
WHO DOESN'T WANT TO COME?
GREAT, BUT IT'S NOT THAT EASY
FOR ME TO JUST COME.
THERE'S A LOT OF WORK TO BE DONE
BEFORE I CAN JUST COME.
(Jay) WE CAN DO THAT WORK TOGETHER.
I'M JUST SAYING, YOU COMING WILL DEFINITELY
MAKE ME COME WITHOUT A DOUBT.
EVEN IF I JUST HEARD YOU SAY THE WORDS,
"JAY, I'M COMING,"
THAT ALONE WOULD PROBABLY MAKE ME COME.
WELL, MAYBE I'LL COME.
(Jay) MAYBE YOU WILL, BUT FROM WHAT I HEAR,
THAT'S MORE UP TO THE GIRL THAN IT IS THE GUY.
[laughs]
WHAT?
(Jay) NOTHING.
SO, YOU COMING?
OH, I'M COMING.
[driving rock music]
♪ ♪
(man) PUSH IT MORE.
FIVE MORE.
YOU'RE LOOKING SWOLLEN.
YES.
HEY, SHANTZ, YOU WANT TO HOP IN HERE AND GET A SET?
WE CAN ALWAYS USE A THIRD COCK.
DAMN IT.
I GOT TO GRADUATE WITH A 2.3 AVERAGE
TO GET THE SCHOLARSHIP.
DUDE, YOU KNOW I HAVE, LIKE, A 1.9.
A LITTLE HELP. A LITTLE HELP.
SO HER SISTER STUMBLES IN, AND I'M LIKE,
"BITCH, YOU WAKE HIM UP, YOU KEEP HIM UP."
NO.
HEY, DID I MENTION SHE WAS A COLLEGE CHICK?
SEE, SHIT LIKE THAT IS GONNA HAPPEN
EVERY DAY AT STATE.
THE FANTASTIC FORNICATING FOUR.
(Shantz) HEY, GUYS, I GOT A PROBLEM.
WE KNOW, SHANTZ, BUT HERPES IS NOT TREATABLE.
SHUT UP, JERK-OFF.
I CAN STILL KICK YOUR ASS.
TOUCHÉ.
LOOK, IT MIGHT ONLY BE THE THREE AMIGOS.
I GOT TO GET MY GPA UP TO A 2.3, OR I DON'T GET IN.
THAT'S SOME SHIT.
DUDE, SHANTZ, YOU'VE GOT TO BE JOKING ME.
IN OTHER WORDS, IT'S A SURE THING, SLAM DUNK.
I'M NEVER GONNA MAKE IT.
THAT'S ALMOST STRAIGHT "A"s.
THAT'S ALL "A"s AND A B-PLUS.
YOU'RE SCREWED AND NOT IN A GOOD WAY.
NO, UH-UH.
WE GOT TO HAVE FAITH, MAN.
LOOK, THIS IS WHAT WE'VE ALWAYS WANTED
SINCE WE WERE KIDS, ALL RIGHT?
WE'RE GOING TO STATE TOGETHER.
DAVE, SHANTZ, MY MAN, DON'T YOU WORRY.
FROM NOW ON, I WILL DO ALL YOUR PAPERS,
AND NO MORE "B"s.
WE'LL GET YOU THERE.
HAVE HASHBROWN FILL THEM OUT FOR YOU.
WE'LL MAKE IT HAPPEN. THANKS, GUYS.
NEXT YEAR, WE'LL BE LIVING UP THE COLLEGE LIFE
WITH FUCKIN' TITTIES AND JUST DRINKING--
YOU SMELL THAT?
SMELLS LIKE THREE-LEGGED DEER, FELLAS.
THREE-LEGGED DEER?
(Dave) OH, RIGHT, RIGHT, I GET IT.
ANITA?
SI.
YOU MUST BE JAKE.
IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
HEY, GUYS, THIS IS ANITA.
SHE'S FROM BRAZIL.
SO DO YOU SPEAK BRAZILIAN, OR...
MEXICAN?
SPANISH.
PORTUGUESE.
OH, I FAILED GEOLOGY.
[laughs] NICE TO MEET YOU.
GOOD MORNING, GORDON.
LISTEN, DRAGO, IT'S SHANTZ, MAN,
SHANTZ, SHANTZ.
OKAY?
WHAT DO WE CALL YOU?
EMELIANENKO TRONOVSKY.
A MILLION ANKLES?
EMELIANENKO.
MIL--
SCREW IT.
WE'RE GONNA CALL YOU RUSSIAN DUDE, OKAY?
COME MEET THE CREW, RUSSIAN DUDE.
HELLO, YOU MUST BE--
HASHBROWN, MAN.
NICE TO MEET YOU, GANJA.
ACTUALLY, IT IS GAN-YA.
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I SAID.
OKAY.
HBONJOUR.
WHICH ONE OF YOU IS LAURENT?
OH, NO, I'M SOPHIE.
OUI, OUI, LAURENT.
YES, LAURENT.
IS SHE ON THE BUS STILL?
NO, NO, I AM--
ME, I AM LAURENT.
YOU'RE--
UM, I THINK WE'RE HAVING A MISCOMMUNICATION ACTUALLY.
YOU SEE, YOU'RE A GUY,
AND MY FOREIGN EXCHANGE STUDENT
THIS HOT BLOND FROM FRANCE NAMED
LAURENT.
AND PLAYS SOCCER AND HAS A GIRLFRIEND.
FUCK.
YOU'RE THE GUY IN THE PICTURE,
HUH, NOT THE GIRL?
WELL, YOU ARE DAVE, EH?
THAT'S ME.
[chuckles]
BESIDES YOURSELF, DAVE, DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND
SOME AMERICAN VIRGINS?
UH, NO, NO, I DON'T.
THAT'S OKAY.
I WILL FIND THEM.
(Jay) SO, ANITA,
WHY DID YOU COME TO AMERICA?
IN BRAZIL, THERE IS ONLY SO MUCH YOU CAN LEARN ABOUT AMERICA.
BUT TO REALLY LEARN THE ECONOMICS,
THE PSYCHOLOGY, THE POLITICS, YOU MUST LIVE IN THE COUNTRY.
WELL, I WILL TEACH YOU EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW.
(Dave) HEY, MOM.
OH, HONEY, THEY'RE HERE.
HELLO, MY NAME IS LAURENT.
IT IS TRULY AN HONOR TO MEET YOU.
OH--OKEY DOKEY.
DAVE, DO YOU WANT TO SHOW LAURENT TO HIS ROOM?
OKAY, LAURENT, TO THE EAST WING OVER HERE,
WE HAVE THE BALLROOM.
DOWN HERE TO THE LEFT, WE HAVE AN INVISIBLE LEPRECHAUN.
IT'S BEEN THERE FOR YEARS.
AND THIS GUYS, ACCORDING TO THE PAPERWORK,
THAT'S MY FATHER.
HELLO.
LAURENT.
OUI, LAURENT.
WELCOME TO AMERICA. THANK YOU.
IT'S NICE TO HAVE YOU.
JUST STAY AS LONG AS YOU LIKE.
LET'S NOT GET CRAZY, POPS.
ALL RIGHT, ANYWAY, SO MOVING ON,
DOWN HERE TO THE RIGHT IS YOUR BEDROOM.
[mouthing] I THINK HE'S GAY.
(Jay) SO WHAT'S THIS THING?
(Anita) AMORITA.
SHE'S THE GODDESS OF LOVE.
IF YOU KEEP HER WITH YOU WHEREVER YOU GO,
YOU WILL EVENTUALLY MEET THE ONE YOU'RE DESTINED FOR.
OH, YEAH?
WELL, MY CULTURE SAYS, IF AT FIRST YOU DON'T SUCCEED,
TRY AND TRY AND TRY AGAIN.
I THINK OUR CULTURES ARE A LITTLE DIFFERENT.
YOU ARE WHAT THEY CALL A PLAYER, AREN'T YOU?
PERO AMORE.
HAVE YOU EVER HAD A GIRLFRIEND?
(Jay) SURE.
I HAD TWO JUST LAST WEEK.
WILL YOU EXCUSE ME?
I'D LIKE TO FINISH UNPACKING.
WHATEVER FLOATS IT.
BUT IN THE STATES, A TIGHT SKIRT WORKS A LOT BETTER
THAN THAT TROLL.
JUST SO YOU KNOW.
[Dave moaning]
[doorbell rings]
WE REALLY HATE TO EAT AND HAVE THE RUNS,
BUT SERIOUSLY WE REALLY GOT
TO TAKE THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD, LITTLE LADY.
NOW, DAVE, YOUR MOTHER IS NO LADY.
MARV.
(Shantz) YO!
YOU PEOPLE HEAR THE DAMN DOORBELL, HUH?
OH, GORDON.
WELL, I NEVER.
OH, NEVER SAY NEVER, MRS. L.
I'LL LAY SOME PIPE AROUND HERE.
HUH?
[both laughing]
(Dave) LOOK, I'M SORRY, POPS,
BUT WE REALLY GOT TO GO.
WE DON'T WANT TO BE LATE FOR THE PARTY.
YEAH, WHAT'S GOING ON AT THIS PARTY, DAVE?
(Dave) JUST SOME HARMLESS FUN.
YOU KNOW, A BUNCH OF FRIENDS
GETTING TOGETHER TO PLAY SOME GAMES,
LIKE DONKEY PUNCH.
DONKEY PUNCH?
LIKE PIN THE TAIL?
YEAH, YEAH, SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
YEAH, AND WE ALSO PLAY THIS ONE CALLED
THE RUSTY TROMBONE.
IT'S GREAT.
YEAH, I'LL TEACH YOU SOMETIME.
OKAY. DEFINITELY, DEFINITELY.
WHAT WAS THE ONE WE PLAYED LAST WEEK
WITH THAT-- OH, DIRTY SANCHEZ.
IT TAKES A WHILE TO LEARN, BUT IT'S GREAT.
(Marvin) BOYS, BOYS,
HAVE YOU EVER PLAYED THE PITTSBURGH PLATTER?
HUH?
OR HOW ABOUT THE FILCHING FRENCHMAN?
[laughing]
(Shantz) OOH, MARV.
EDUCATED MAN YOUR POPS HERE.
[laughing] OOH LA LA.
ALL RIGHT, WE GOT TO GO.
HASHBROWN'S IN THE CAR.
ADIOS, MARV.
BE GOOD, ALL RIGHT.
UH, DAVE, LISTEN.
A NICE CLEAN COAT OF PAINT
DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN THE CAR IS NEW.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
(Shantz) YO, YO, YO!
HEY, NICE GETUP, DOUCHE BAG.
IS IT GAY JAY DAY?
HEY, YOU GOT ANYTHING THAT CAN PLAY THIS?
ABSOLUTELY. UH-UH.
COME ON.
HEY, JIMINY CRICKET, HOW'S IT GOING?
OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
WHOO! WHAT'S GOING ON?
UP TOP WHO'S GAY.
YOU? GOT YOU. THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.
HEY, YOU HEAR ABOUT THAT VOLCANO?
[bottles clink]
THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.
I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.
HEY, WHAT'S UP?
DUDE, WANTED OUT BACK.
WHY DON'T YOU GUYS GO AHEAD,
AND WE'LL MEET UP WITH YOU IN A LITTLE BIT.
HEY, WANT TO MEET A FRIEND OF MINE?
OOH, IS SHE A GIRLFRIEND, YEAH?
UH, MORE OF JUST A NORMAL FRIEND.
AH, A NORMAL FRIEND.
PERHAPS YOUR NORMAL FRIEND IS UP FOR SOME SCREWING, EH?
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHAT?
YOU KNOW, DAVE, THE SCREW.
NO, NO, NO, I GOT-- I GOT WHAT YOU WERE SAYING,
BUT LISTEN, ROBYN'S NOT LIKE THAT, OKAY?
SHE'S A GOOD GIRL.
SHE'S NOT LIKE THESE HOS.
IF YOU MISS THIS NEXT SHOT, YOU HAVE TO DRINK
THAT ENTIRE PITCHER OF BEER.
(all) OOH!
OH, YOU WANT TO UP THE ANTE.
YEAH,
BUT IF I MAKE THIS NEXT SHOT, THE NEXT THING YOU GIRLS LOSE
IS YOUR SHIRTS.
(all) WHOO!
OKAY, JAY.
BUT HAVEN'T YOU ALREADY SEEN MINE BEFORE?
AND MINE?
(Jay) YES.
HEY, I'M JUST GIVING THE PEOPLE WHAT THEY WANT.
[cheering]
WELL, COME ON. DO IT.
[all chanting] TITS! TITS! TITS!
SHOW US THE HAND WARMERS.
I HAVE TOILET!
OH, GOOD MORNING, AMERICAN GIRLS.
HEY, LISTEN, DON'T BE A FRENCH ASSHOLE, OKAY?
ME? NEVER, DAVE.
HEY.
HOW ARE YOU? GOOD.
UM, SORRY.
ROBYN, THIS IS MY EXCHANGE STUDENT, LAURENT.
HI.
THANK YOU.
HE'S FROM FRANCE.
THAT'S AWESOME.
YEAH.
YOU HAVE NICE FRIENDS, DAVE.
THANK YOU.
[distant reggae music playing]
AND THAT'S HOW YOU GET FREE CABLE FOR LIFE.
HASHBROWN, I'M NOT FEELING ANYTHING.
DUDE, YOU NEVER GET HIGH
THE FIRST TIME.
TAKE IT FROM THE DALAI LAMA OF MARIJUANA, PAL.
[laughter]
THIRD TIME'S THE CHARM.
HAVE SOME MORE, MAN.
(man) IT'S TRUE, MAN.
IT TOOK ME FOUR TIMES, MAN,
AND WHEN I FINALLY GOT HIGH--
LET'S JUST PUT IT THIS WAY.
DO NOT EVER HAVE YOUR PASSPORT ON YOU.
[laughter]
ALL RIGHT, GANJA, HERE'S A NEW AMERICAN WORD FOR YOU:
MUNCHIES.
I AM GONNA INTRODUCE YOU GIRLIES TO THE LOCH NESS MONSTER.
HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF THE LOCH NESS MONSTER, HUH?
SHANTZ, WHERE'S DAVE?
I CAN TELL YOU WHERE HE'S NOT.
HE'S NOT WITH TWO CHICKS RIGHT NOW,
BUT I AM.
GET THE HELL OUT OF MY WAY, HO.
DAMN IT.
NOW, HOW DO YOU SAY MENAGE A TROIS
IN YOUR FRANCE LANGUAGE?
(Robyn) I WILL NEVER LOOK AT THE EIFFEL TOWER
THE SAME WAY AGAIN.
I KNOW. THAT'S WHY THEY BUILT IT.
(Robyn) YOU KNOW, MY PARENTS ONCE TOOK ME TO PARIS.
WHERE DID YOU SAY YOU WERE FROM?
(Laurent) PARIS.
I LOVE PARIS.
WHERE I GO TO HIT ON SEXY AMERICAN WOMEN.
I WENT-- I VISITED PARIS, TEXAS,
ONE TIME TO VISIT SOME RELATIVES, YEAH.
MY UNCLE HAS A CLUB FOOT.
IT'S NOT VERY SEXY AT ALL.
[laughs nervously]
OH, LAURENT, YOU ARE SO MUCH MORE OF A MAN THAN DAVE.
DAVE IS SUCH A PUSSY.
TOSS MY SALAD.
I WOULD DIP THE SAUCE ALL DAY.
(Mia) HI, DAVE.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING ALL OVER FOR YOU.
WELL, NOT EVERYONE BECAUSE SOME OF THE PEOPLE ARE REALLY STUPID.
BUT YOU KNOW THAT, AND I KNOW THAT.
THIS--OH, THIS ONE GUY IN THE BACK WAS THROWING UP.
(Dave) MIA,
WELL, DAVE, I GUESS I WAS TRYING TO MAKE CONVERSATION, YOU KNOW?
CONVERSING CONVERSATIONALLY ABOUT CONVERSATIONAL THINGS
LIKE YOUR CONVERSE.
I LIKE YOUR SHOES.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
ROBYN?
TOILET!
IT MEANS, WELL, THE WAY TO THE SOUL
IS THROUGH THE EYES.
THE MOUTH IS THE WAY TO THE HEART.
THAT'S SO INTERESTING.
I SUCK AT FRENCH.
I THOUGHT YOU SAID SOMETHING ABOUT "TIE ME UP."
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
DON'T BE SHY; I WON'T BITE.
[growls]
OOH, OWIE, OWIE, MY KNEE IS KILLING ME.
WOULD YOU MIND JUST GIVING IT A RUB, SOPHIE,
A LITTLE MASSAGE?
MASSAGE ON MY WAY
TO THE LOCH NESS MONSTER.
IT'S GONNA GET YOU.
OOH, SMELLS LIKE HOME, DOESN'T IT?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
FRANCE, IT'S SMELL--
ANYWAYS, YOU GIRLS WANT TO GET CRAZY OR WHAT?
OH, THERE'S NOTHING WEE ABOUT IT, BABY.
I LOVE FRANCE.
MY PANTS, GET 'EM OFF.
TOILET, TOILET.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
[Emelianenko moaning]
NO, NO, NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
STOP, STOP, STOP, STOP!
I CAN'T UNDERSTAND A DAMN THING YOU'RE SAYING, BRO!
FRANCE, WAIT!
WAIT! WAIT!
I SHIT MY PANTS.
OH, YOU SPILL ON YOURSELF, BUT...
HEY, WHY DON'T WE GO TAKE A WALK?
OH, OKAY.
OKAY?
I'M JUST GONNA GET MY PURSE.
OF COURSE.
WE'RE BACK FROM OUR RECON MISSION.
WELL DONE, GUYS.
STONER GIGGLE. [mock giggles]
[giggles]
[man screaming]
[wild laughter]
JESS, DO YOU HAVE MY PURSE?
NO, SORRY, I DON'T.
DAVE, YOU HAVE MY PURSE.
OH, YEAH.
YOU'RE SUCH A LIFESAVER.
SO YOU AND LAURENT
SEEM TO BE HITTING IT OFF PRETTY WELL.
YEAH, HE'S SO COOL.
I'M REALLY HAPPY HE'S LIVING WITH YOU.
YEAH, NO, HE'S SUPER AWESOME.
YEAH, HE'S COOL; HIS ACCENT'S CUTE.
I DON'T THINK HE KNOWS WHAT HE'S SAYING HALF THE TIME.
WE'RE GOING ON A WALK ACTUALLY.
OKAY.
LAURENT?
WELL, HE REALLY SEEMS TO BE ENJOYING AMERICA.
YEAH.
WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO WALK YOU HOME?
YEAH? YEAH.
ALL RIGHT.
I LOVE FRANCE!
I LOVE IT!
I LOVE FRANCE!
HAVE YOU SEEN THE NAKED GUY?
MY GRANDMA LIVES NEXT DOOR.
YEAH, I SAW THAT BASTARD BANGING HER.
[laughing]
HEY, WHO'S READY FOR THE SHANTZ SANDWICH, HUH?
[shouting]
AND I'LL BE THE JAY-ONAISE.
(Shantz) YEAH, JAY, COME ON.
[shouting]
UP TOP, BABY!
UP TOP!
YES!
(Robyn) THIS YEAR IS JUST FLYING BY, YOU KNOW?
I KNOW. YOU'RE RIGHT.
NOW WE GOT THE DANCE COMING UP HERE SOON,
AND THEN, WHAT, GRADUATION RIGHT AFTER THAT.
LOOK, I KNOW IT'S COMING UP REALLY SOON AND EVERYTHING,
BUT WHO ARE YOU GOING TO THE DANCE WITH?
NOBODY.
COOL.
HEY, LOOK.
REMEMBER THAT?
WE SPENT HOURS ON THAT DUMB THING.
IT WASN'T DUMB, DAVE.
IT WAS FUN.
THAT'S WHERE WE MET.
YUP.
ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
FOR OLD TIME'S SAKE.
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU KNOW, IT'S NO EIFFEL TOWER.
DON'T BE A DICK.
I KNOW.
WHAT WAS I THINKING?
WELL, HE'S FRENCH.
YOU KNOW, HE'S CUTE, PLAYS SOCCER.
YOU SOUND LIKE A PERFECT MATCH.
(Hashbrown) IF WE WANT TO BE MOVING MONETARILY TOWARDS A SURPLUS,
IT'S NOT A QUESTION OF MORALS.
IT'S A QUESTION OF WHAT'S FISCAL FAVORABLE.
THE U.S. GOVERNMENT CAN'T AFFORD TO NOT TAX MARIJUANA.
(man) SALTY...
OR SWEET.
I GOT IT.
BOTH.
CHOCOLATE-COVERED JERKY.
WHAT IS JERKY?
THAT'S BEEF, MAN.
DON'T WASTE IT.
I MEAN, THERE'S STILL GOOD JERKY ON THERE, MAN.
SO HAVE YOU PUT ANY MORE THOUGHT
INTO GOING TO "O" STATE WITH US?
IT'S GONNA BE A LOT OF FUN.
I KNOW.
COLORADO, THE SKIING AND THE HIKING.
AND THEY HAVE A REALLY GOOD VETERINARY SCHOOL THERE TOO.
YEAH, YEAH, I GUESS.
I'LL MISS YOU.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, WE'LL ALL MISS YOU,
LIKE, AS FRIENDS AND STUFF.
OF COURSE. YEAH.
I'LL MISS YOU GUYS TOO.
YEAH, DEFINITELY.
HERE WE ARE.
YEAH, HERE WE ARE.
SO...
GOOD NIGHT?
WELL, GOOD NIGHT.
YEAH.
YEAH, GOOD NIGHT.
OKAY.
TELL YOUR MOM I SAY HELLO.
YEAH.
WHY AM I SO FUCKING BAD AT THIS? GOD.
SO, JAY--
(Jay) I TOLD YOU YOU'D COME.
JAY.
SEE YOU LATER.
DON'T JUDGE ME.
YO, WHY DOES THIS HAPPEN EVERY TIME WE PARTY?
OH, I'M SORRY, BRO.
I THOUGHT YOU WERE MY GIRLFRIEND.
YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A GIRLFRIEND.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
NO, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
RELAX, JACKSON.
IT'S JUST A LITTLE MORNING WOOD.
(man) ♪ IT'S LIKE I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE ♪
♪ EVERYONE CHANGES NOW YOU'VE GONE A BIT TOO FAR ♪
♪ IT JUST GOES ON AND ON, AND I JUST CAN'T HOLD ON ♪
♪ THIS SOUNDS LIKE MY LEAST FAVORITE SONG ♪
♪ BUT IT'S BLOWING UP MY RADIO ♪
♪ WHEN I TRY TO TUNE YOU OUT BUT THERE'S NO DOUBT ♪
♪ YOU'RE GONNA BE STUCK INSIDE MY HEAD ♪
♪ ALL OVER AGAIN ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I'M SICK OF EVERYTHING I HEAR ♪
♪ WISH I COULD CLOSE MY EYES AND YOU JUST DISAPPEAR ♪
(woman over P.A.) REMEMBER, SPRING FLING IS IN TWO WEEKS.
SO FIND YOUR DATES NOW.
ROBYN, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU FOR A WHILE.
YOU SEE ME EVERY DAY, LAURENT.
YEAH, EVERY DAY.
OH, WELL, I HAVEN'T TALKED TO YOU FOR A WHILE.
HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?
I'M FINE.
YEAH, SHE'S FINE.
OKAY, SO I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS A LOT LATELY,
AND I THOUGHT PERHAPS WE SHOULD GET TOGETHER?
WHY?
YEAH, WHY?
I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE PICK UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF?
EW.
OKAY, LOOK, LAURENT,
I THOUGHT YOU WERE A COOL GUY.
AND NOW I KNOW YOU'RE NOT COOL.
YOU'RE INSECURE.
AND I FOUND OUT WHAT ATTACHE VOUS REALLY MEANS.
[laughs]
THANK YOU FOR THE OFFER.
YEAH, THANKS FOR THE OFFER.
BYE-BYE.
DAVE, YOU LOOK GREAT TODAY.
YEAH, DAVE, REALLY HOT.
AND NOT FRENCH AT ALL.
THANKS, GIRLS.
THIS IS GREAT.
SERIOUSLY, YOU SMELL REALLY, REALLY GOOD.
LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.
(Shantz) I SAY, "AH, SKEET, SKEET, SKEET!"
WHAT IS SKEET?
OH, IT'S--
SHANTZ!
I HEAR YOU'RE DOING WELL
IN YOUR CLASSES LATELY.
YEAH, OF COURSE.
BEEN USING THE OLD NOGGIN.
WELL, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.
WILL DO.
MM.
THAT'S A SCARY WOMAN.
I BET SHE'S CRAZY IN BED THOUGH.
HOO.
I WOULD TAKE IT UPON MYSELF TO TAME THAT WILD BEAST.
YOU SEE, JAY, THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM.
AS IF SHE IS A CHALLENGE TO CONQUER,
LIKE CLIMBING A MOUNTAIN OR WINNING A STUPID GAME.
IT IS TOO BAD THAT SUCH GOOD LOOKS AND CHARM
ARE WASTED ON SUCH A PIG.
DAMN, THAT IS ONE FIERY MEXICAN.
SHE'S BRAZILIAN, BRO.
WHATEVER.
WAIT, WAIT, HOLD ON.
THAT WAS JUST A GAME, OKAY?
I WAS-- I WAS KIDDING.
IT'S LIKE I CAN'T CONTROL MYSELF, YOU KNOW?
I'D LIKE TO, BUT I JUST CAN'T.
NO, YOU CAN.
YOU JUST DON'T.
(Laurent) HEY, DAVE--
OH, DAVE, DAVE, DAVE,
WHY HAVEN'T YOU SCREWED ROBYN YET, EH?
SHE WAS ALL OVER YOU YESTERDAY.
I DON'T KNOW, LAURENT.
I JUST-- WE HAVE
THIS GREAT FRIENDSHIP.
[laughs]
A GIRL DOESN'T WANT TO SCREW A FRIEND.
IF YOU WANT TO SCORE, YOU GOT TO KNOW THE GAME, MAN.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "THE GAME"?
[sighs]
ROBYN WANTS A GUY WHO IS SMOOTH.
SHE WANTS A MAN
AND WHO KNOWS HOW TO BE STRONG, EH?
SHE DOESN'T WANT A FRIEND WHO SHE CAN TALK TO.
LOOK AT THIS SENTIMENTAL SHIT.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST LAY OFF, ALL RIGHT?
JUST TELL ME WHAT I SHOULD DO.
OKAY.
WELL, YOU HAVE TESTICLE HAIRY, EH?
ARE YOU HITTING ON ME?
[laughs]
YOU WISH, DAVE.
LOOK, IF YOU'RE ASKING ME IF I'M A MAN, LAURENT,
I MEAN, YOU AMERICANS ARE SO GROSS AND HAIRY
LIKE A BUSH BABY.
A GIRL LIKES A MAN WHO'S SMOOTH.
YOU COULD START BY SHAVING YOUR BALLS.
WHAT?
DAVE, TRUST ME.
DO THE GIRLS NOT LIKE ME?
DAMN IT.
OKAY, LAURENT, WHAT-- HOW DO I--
FIRST YOU WILL TAKE A SCISSORS, CUT OFF ALL THE HAIR.
THEN YOU TAKE RAZOR, SHAVE IT BALD,
SPRITZ COLOGNE.
[claps] YOU ARE A MAN.
ALL FRENCHMEN KNOW THIS, DAVE.
I DON'T CARE IF ALL FRENCHMEN KNOW IT,
BUT ISN'T THAT GONNA ITCH LIKE HELL?
WHAT DO YOU THINK GOLD BOND POWDER IS FOR?
[with heavy accent] GOLD BOND POWDER.
WHAT?
GOLD BOND POWDER.
OH.
[together] GOLD BOND POWDER.
(Laurent) OUI.
WHAT DO YOU THINK IT'S FOR,
GOLD BOND POWDER?
[funky music]
♪ ♪
[razor buzzing]
AGH!
[razor scraping]
OW! FUCK.
OH!
HOLY SHIT!
(Shantz) IF YOU WERE SMARTER THAN ME, YOU WOULDN'T DO WHAT I SAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING.
HEY, SHANTZ.
LONG TIME NO SEE.
WHAT'S GOING ON, LADIES?
KIND OF STARTING TO LOOK LIKE A REGULAR
NATIONAL LEAGUE MEETING OVER HERE.
NATIONAL LEAGUE.
I THINK YOU MEAN UNITED NATIONS, COCK BREATH.
YEAH, MAYBE YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT,
BUT I BET OSAMA OVER HERE KNOWS.
BEFORE SOMETHING BAD HAPPENS TO YOU.
RELAX, MAN.
I'M JUST MESSING WITH THE LITTLE TOWEL HEAD.
YEAH, WELL, LEAVE HIM ALONE.
AND, JACKSON, DO ME A FAVOR.
FOOTBALL SEASON ENDED FIVE MONTHS AGO.
TAKE OFF THE DAMN JERSEY.
FINE.
DUDE, YOU'RE LOOKING GOOD.
YOU BEEN HITTING THE GYM MORE?
ARE THESE GUYS YOUR FRIENDS?
LOOK, YOU GOT TO GIVE HIM A BREAK.
HIS BROTHER'S OVER IN IRAQ RIGHT NOW.
I AM FROM INDIA.
WHAT IS HIS FUCKING PROBLEM?
I'M GONNA GO KNOCK SOME SENSE INTO THEM.
SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
BRING ME BACK A TOOTH. WILL DO.
I DON'T WANT TO BE A DOWNER OR ANYTHING.
I MEAN, I REALLY LIKE AMERICA,
BUT SOMETIMES IT'S NOT SO EASY HERE.
YEAH, WE UNDERSTAND THAT, MAN.
I MEAN, WE LIVE HERE, YOU KNOW?
IT'S HARD.
YOU KNOW, WE SHOULD JUST GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.
YES, LET'S CUT FIFTH PERIOD AND GO GET HIGH.
I WAS ACTUALLY TALKING ABOUT THIS WEEKEND.
YOU KNOW, JUST GET OUT OF HERE FOR THE WEEKEND.
WE CAN GO CAMPING.
(Jay) I'M DOWN.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
IF YOU GUYS WANT TO GO, MEET AT MY HOUSE FRIDAY NIGHT;
WE'LL LEAVE FROM THERE.
(Shantz) HEY, BUTT BUDDIES.
WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU GUYS, HUH?
HE AIN'T NOTHING TO YOU.
OH, GENTLEMEN.
(Lonnatini) LOOK, IT'S LITTLE SHANTZ.
AND WHAT POSITION DO YOU PLAY?
UH, TAILBACK, WHY?
YOU THINK YOU CAN BE A QUARTERBACK NEXT YEAR?
OUR STARTER IS THE TOP RETURNING QUARTERBACK IN THE COUNTRY.
THAT'S FINE, HUNTER,
BUT OUR STARTING QB IS GRADUATING.
SO WE COULD USE A TALENT LIKE SHANTZ.
(Lonnatini) AND SINCE THERE'S
NO POSSIBLE WAY THAT SHANTZ
IS MAKING THESE TEST GRADES ON HIS OWN,
I FIGURE YOU CAN START FOR US NEXT YEAR
WHEN YOU REPEAT SENIOR YEAR.
(man) YEAH, MAN.
HUT, HUT, HUT!
HA, HA, HA, GOOD ONE, JANITOR.
REMEMBER,
WHEN IT HOWLS AT THE MOON, IT'S A WOLF.
AND WHEN IT HOWLS AT THE SUN, IT'S A COCK.
SO, HOW'S YOUR BONES?
A LITTLE ITCHY, AND A LITTLE PAINFUL,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
FOR THE MOST PART, I'M FEELING PRETTY GOOD.
YOU KNOW, I THINK I'M ABOUT TO GO ASK ROBYN RIGHT NOW
TO GO CAMPING WITH US.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
WHY NOT?
DAVE, YOU MUST WAIT
TILL SHE ASKS YOU, EH?
AH, COOL, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
OH, HERE COMES MIA. GOT TO GO.
HEY, MIA.
AREN'T YOU EXCITED?
EXCITED ABOUT WHAT?
FOR THE CAMPING TRIP THIS WEEKEND.
WHAT CAMPING TRIP?
OH, DAVE DID NOT TELL YOU YET, DID HE?
WE'RE ALL GOING CAMPING THIS WEEKEND.
SOUNDS LIKE FUN.
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, DAVE REALLY WANTS YOU TO GO.
HE'S JUST AFRAID TO ASK YOU.
REALLY?
YES, REALLY.
YOU SHOULD COME.
I HAVE TO GO NOW,
BUT I WILL SEE YOU THIS WEEKEND, OKAY?
FRIDAY, AFTER SCHOOL, DAVE'S HOUSE.
BYE.
YES.
HEY.
YOU SEEM AWFUL HAPPY.
WHAT CAN I SAY?
EVERYTHING'S CLEAN.
OKAY.
SO WORD IS, YOU'RE GOING TO THE LAKE THIS WEEKEND.
YEAH.
OH, I JUST DIDN'T THINK YOU AND MOTHER NATURE GOT ALONG.
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
IS THAT, LIKE, A PERIOD JOKE?
NO, IT'S NOT A PERIOD-- NO.
ANYWAY, LOOK, I WAS GONNA INVITE YOU.
I JUST--
IT'S OKAY, DAVE.
LAURENT ALREADY INVITED ME.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN LAURENT ALREADY INVITED YOU?
YEAH, HE'S BEEN REALLY NICE LATELY; I DON'T KNOW.
HE SAID HE WANTED ME TO BE THERE.
UNLESS YOU DON'T WANT ME TO GO.
NO, NO, OF COURSE-- OF COURSE I--
(teacher) SHH!
[whispering] OF COURSE I WANT...
THIS PAINTING IS FROM EARLY IN HER CAREER
AND IS THE PIECE THAT REALLY LAUNCHED HER CAREER.
SO IF YOU LOOK CLOSELY, YOU'LL SEE
THE WONDERFUL TEXTURES AND BRUSH STROKES.
YOU CAN ALMOST FEEL
THE ARTIST'S PASSION AND URGENCY
WITH WHICH SHE PAINTED THIS MASTERPIECE.
SO LET'S MOVE ON.
DIDN'T I SEE THIS IN ASS PIRATES II:
CURSE OF THE PEARL NECKLACE?
THIS THE MOST GORGEOUS EXAMPLE OF TRUE ART
THAT I HAVE EVER SEEN.
THERE IS FIRE. THERE IS BEAUTY.
THERE IS PASSION.
SO YOU CAN GO GET OUT OF HERE.
OH, REALLY?
BECAUSE TO ME, IT LOOKS LIKE MY BEDROOM MOST WEEKENDS.
WOMEN.
YOU ARE A FOOL.
IT'S MY FAVORITE PAINTING IN THE MUSEUM.
IT'S JUST SO, SO-- SO RIGHTEOUS.
ISN'T IT?
VERY FEARLESS, VERY HONEST.
DID YOU KNOW THAT THE PAINTER WAS BORN IN 1945
AND DIED IN 1975?
(Anita) I KNOW.
SUCH A SHORT LIFE
BUT SUCH AN AMAZING BODY OF WORK.
DID YOU KNOW THAT SHE WAS
A VERY ACCOMPLISHED GUITAR PLAYER AS WELL.
REALLY?
NO, I DID NOT KNOW THAT.
[laughs]
I PLAY GUITAR.
THAT IS WONDERFUL.
WOW, YEAH, AND DID YOU KNOW--
AND DID YOU KNOW
THAT SHE'S 17 YEARS OLD
AND IN HIGH SCHOOL?
DID YOU KNOW THAT?
NO, I DIDN'T.
FIRST OFF, MY AGE IS NOT AN ISSUE.
SECOND, WHO I TALK TO
IS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
I'M JUST TRYING TO PROTECT YOU FROM THIS COCK MONGREL.
COCK MONGREL. WOW, GOOD ONE.
YOU ARE THE ONE WHO IS BEING A COCK,
WHATEVER IT IS, JAY.
NOW LEAVE ME ALONE, PLEASE.
WHATEVER.
HE'S AN IDIOT.
LAURENT,
WHY'D YOU ASK ROBYN TO THE RIVER?
BECAUSE SHE NEEDS A GOOD FUCKING.
WHAT?
UM...
I ASK BECAUSE THIS WAY, ROBYN WILL GO TO THE RIVER,
BUT YOU CAN PLAY IT COOL, YOU KNOW?
HMM, PLAY IT COOL.
OKAY, YEAH, YEAH, I LIKE THAT.
GOOD JOB.
THANK YOU SO MUCH, MAN.
I APPRECIATE IT.
I'VE JUST BEEN STRESSING OUT ABOUT IT.
OH, TOOTHBRUSH.
BE RIGHT BACK.
HI, DAVE.
MIA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
GOING CAMPING, SILLY.
WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE?
NICE JOB, SON.
[groans]
THOSE JAPANESE GET GOOD MILEAGE.
YOU KNOW, YOUR MOM AND I
USED TO FIT TWO OF US IN THERE, BUDDY.
DAD, PLEASE.
LISTEN, CHOOSING A GIRLFRIEND, SON,
IS A LITTLE LIKE BUYING A USED CAR.
IF THE OIL DOESN'T SMELL RIGHT,
THERE'S PROBABLY SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE VEHICLE.
[funky rock music]
♪ ♪
[indistinct speech]
PIZZA PARLOR.
[all speaking at once]
ROBYN, WILL YOU GO WITH ME TO THE BATHROOM?
YEAH, OF COURSE.
WE'LL SHOW YOU HOW WE ROUGH IT IN AMERICA?
OH, HAVE YOU SEEN PICTURES OF MY HOMETOWN?
THIS PLACE IS LIKE A MAJOR CITY WHERE I COME FROM.
COME ON.
(Dave) THANK YOU.
(Shantz) YOU GOT TO MAN UP, SOLDIER.
I DON'T NEED TO HEAR THIS FROM YOU GUYS
EVERY FIVE SECONDS; I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW.
YOU KNOW, I GOT THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY.
I JUST-- I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
MM, WELL, I WOULD SAY
IN THE SIGNATURE SHANTZ SUPERSEXY WHISPER,
"LET ME SNEAK IT IN, BABY."
IT WORKS ALMOST EVERY TIME.
(Shantz) HEY, THAT'S JUST MY SKEEZY, ALL RIGHT?
YOU KNOW, JAY OVER HERE
MIGHT BE THE BETTER MAN TO ASK ABOUT THIS.
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.
I AM A VAGINOLOGIST.
SO HEY, FEEL FREE TO ASK ME ANYTHING.
OKAY, VAGINOLOGIST, WITH ROBYN, HOW DO I--
ALL RIGHT, DAVE,
I'M GONNA LET YOU IN ON THE SECRET TO GETTING LAID.
ALL GIRLS ARE INSECURE.
WAIT, THAT'S YOUR SECRET?
THAT ALONE ISN'T THE SECRET.
IT'S HOW YOU USE THAT VITAL INFORMATION.
(Dave) WHAT DO YOU DO IF YOU JUST,
I DON'T KNOW,
REALLY LIKE A GIRL?
WELL...
I DON'T KNOW, DAVE.
I MEAN, THAT STUFF
WILL GET YOU LAID FOR SURE,
BUT I DON'T KNOW, BRO.
I'VE NEVER REALLY LIKED A GIRL BEFORE,
SO I COULDN'T TELL YOU.
OH, RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.
YOU KNOW ALL THIS SHIT ABOUT GIRLS,
BUT YOU CAN'T SEE DEAD IN FRONT OF YOU?
COME ON, DUDE.
AND I CAN'T TAKE YOUR ADVICE.
I MEAN, HOW AM I SUPPOSED--
(Hashbrown) HEY, TRY THIS, MAN.
JUST TELL HER.
TELL HER HOW YOU FEEL.
(Jay) YEAH, THAT SOUNDS COOL.
TRY THAT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK I MIGHT JUST GIVE THAT A SHOT.
DAVE, YOU PUSSY.
HEY, RUSSIAN DUDE...
GOOD MORNING.
LOOK, GRAB THE AMMO.
HEY, NICE ENGLISH.
LISTEN, I JUST SPOTTED FRESH FECES
ABOUT 60 PACES INWARD.
I GOT 'EM ON THE RUN, BUDDY.
YOU'RE MY EYES TODAY, SOLDIER.
HEY, LOOK!
EYES. LET'S GO.
HEY, COME ON, LET'S GO!
(Jay) I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE
ABOUT THE THING WITH THE MUSEUM GUY.
AND I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE A GOOD GUY.
IT'S OKAY, JAY.
I KNOW YOU'RE JUST TRYING TO HELP.
BUT YOU SHOULD GIVE HIM A CHANCE.
GIVE HIM A CHANCE?
HE'S GOING TO TAKE ME TO THE DANCE NEXT WEEK.
SO DON'T BE A COCK MONGREL.
[laughing]
[gun fires]
(Shantz) WHOO-HOO, HOO!
(Emelianenko) DASVIDANYA!
BIRD DOWN. WE GOT A BIRD DOWN.
HOLY SHIT, RUSSIAN DUDE, THAT WAS AWESOME.
HEY, HOW'D YOU DO THAT?
BIRD, MORNING, YES,
FLY, BANG-BANG.
FUCKIN' A BANG-BANG!
WHOO!
(man) YOU TWO.
PUT THE WEAPON DOWN
AND STEP AWAY
FROM THE CARCASS.
HELLO, MR. FOREST RANGER MAN.
CAN I HELP YOU?
LICENSE AND REGISTRATION, PLEASE.
WHAT'S THIS, A-HOLE?
THIS IS YOUR DRIVER'S LICENSE.
YOU DIDN'T RUN THE DAMN THING OVER.
I NEED TO SEE YOUR HUNTING LICENSE.
UHH.
WE--WE DON'T HAVE ONE.
I DIDN'T THINK SO.
YOU BOYS ARE IN SOME VERY SERIOUS TROUBLE.
I WANT YOU
TO HUG THAT TREE.
EMBRACE THE TIMBER.
GORDON--
IT'S SHANTZ, MAN.
IT'S SHANTZ.
SHUT UP.
GORDON LALLY.
WHERE DO I KNOW
THAT NAME FROM?
YOU'RE NOT TODD'S KID, ARE YOU?
UH, YEAH, THAT'S-- THAT'S MY DAD.
WELL, HELL, I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE YOU WITHOUT DIAPERS ON, BUDDY.
YOU KNOW, I'VE GOT A WARM SPOT IN MY HEART FOR YOU.
YOU SEE, MY WIFE AND I USED TO SWING WITH YOUR PARENTS.
I HAD MY FIRST
MAN-ON-MAN MEAT MUNCH WITH YOUR FATHER,
ALTHOUGH HE DID MOST OF THE MUNCHING,
IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
WAIT, HUH?
UNDER THE CIRCUMSTANCES,
I THINK I'M GONNA LET YOU BOYS SLIDE.
YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MANY TIMES
YOUR DAD TOOK THE DUMP TRUCK FOR ME.
TALK ABOUT A WINGMAN.
GOOD TIMES.
OKAY, THANKS A LOT, MAN.
OH, AND TELL YOUR DAD LONG LARRY SAYS HEY.
(Jay) HEY, SHANTZ.
HMM?
HOW WAS THE HUNTING FOR BEAVER?
OH, IT WAS GOOD.
BUT YOU KNOW, I COULDN'T CATCH ANY BEAVER
AS GOOD AS YOUR MOM'S WAS LAST NIGHT.
(Jay) OH! BOOM!
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING, DUDE.
I'D STILL BE POUNDING YOUR MAMA'S BEAVER
IF IT WASN'T FOR HER CATCHING CHLAMYDIA.
OH! YEAH?
WELL, THAT'S WHY I ONLY BANG YOUR MOM IN THE ASS.
(Jay) OH!
YOU KNOW, I GOT A LITTLE NERVOUS THOUGH
WHEN YOU GOT ANAL WARTS FROM RUSSIAN DUDE'S MOM OVER THERE.
OOH!
TRONOVSKY'S MAMA IS ANGEL.
WHOA, WHOA, CALM DOWN, RUSSIAN DUDE.
CALM DOWN. IT'S COOL.
HEY, HE DIDN'T MEAN ANYTHING BY IT, ALL RIGHT?
THAT'S JUST HOW WE TALK IN AMERICA, YOU KNOW?
MY MOM LEFT ME WHEN I WAS, LIKE, TWO YEARS OLD,
SO WHO GIVES A SHIT, RIGHT?
IT'S JUST MEANT TO BE FUNNY.
"HA, HA, HA," FUNNY?
ALL RIGHT, JUST LOOK, WATCH.
JAY,
YOUR MAMA'S SO FAT...
OH, YEAH?
HOW FAT IS SHE?
SHE'S SO FAT, SHE USES A SUBMARINE AS A VIBRATOR.
(all) OH!
[laughs]
GANJA, WHY DON'T YOU TRY ONE?
OKAY.
YOUR MOTHER IS BAD AT MATH.
(Jay) NOT QUITE, GANJA,
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, YOU'RE ON THE RIGHT TRACK.
(Hashbrown) GENTLEMEN
AND LADY, GANJ AND I
HAVE A FIRST-CLASS TICKET TO BLUNTSVILLE.
SO IF ANYONE WOULD LIKE TO JOIN US,
WE'LL BE OVER THERE.
YOUR MOTHER EATS COW TESTICLES?
[Laurent laughing]
NOT BAD, GANJA, NOT BAD.
WELL DONE.
BONSOIR!
TEN BUCKS SAYS THAT JAY'S NEXT MAMA JOKE
IS THE ONE ABOUT THE ELEPHANT TRUNKS.
THE--OH, THE-- HE LOVES THAT ONE, THE...
[imitates elephant trumpet]
OH! OH, JESUS.
YOU-- YEAH, I'M FINE.
OH, YEAH, BY THE WAY, IS IT JUST ME
OR IS IT COMPLETELY OBVIOUS WITH--
OH, OBVIOUS.
YOU KNOW, I THINK-- I THINK JAY REALLY LIKES ANITA.
HE JUST DOESN'T KNOW HOW TO TELL HER.
YEAH, AND I THINK SHE LIKES HIM TOO.
I THINK SHE'S JUST WAITING FOR HIM TO MAKE A MOVE.
[sighs]
YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW JAY.
HE CAN-- HE CAN BE SUCH A--
PUSSY.
PUSSY, EXACTLY.
UH, LISTEN, ROBYN,
THE REASON I BROUGHT YOU OUT HERE ACTUALLY...
PUSSY?
UH, NO-- NO, NOT ABOUT PUSSY.
UH, JUST ABOUT--
I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT A LOT OF STUFF LATELY AND--
OKAY, DAVE.
UH, YEAH, AND-- YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST--
I'VE BEEN WANTING TO TELL YOU SOMETHING
FOR A REALLY LONG TIME NOW.
DAVE, ARE YOU OKAY?
YEAH, NO, I'M FINE.
IT'S JUST THE JEANS.
THEY'RE NEW, AND YOU KNOW.
ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY?
YEAH, NO, I'M FINE.
JUST WAITING RIGHT-- JUST, LIKE, RIGHT HERE?
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
I THINK I HEAR LAURENT CALLING ME.
YEAH, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
LAURENT, I'M COMING, BUDDY.
YOUR MOM'S TITS ARE SO SAGGY,
IT'S LIKE SHE IS AN ELEPHANT WITH TWO TRUNKS.
[imitating elephant trumpet]
OH, YEAH, WELL, YOUR MOM IS SO UGLY,
LAURENT WOULDN'T EVEN BANG HER IN THE FACE.
WAIT, I MEAN, DON'T BRING ME INTO THIS, OKAY?
[speaking French]
NOW, RUSSIAN DUDE, TELL ME, "YOUR MAMA."
MY MAMA.
WHAT IS IT, DAVE?
MY BALLS.
MY BALLS, THEY ITCH LIKE CRAZY, OKAY?
DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE GOLD BOND POWDER IS AT?
I THOUGHT YOU BRING THIS.
YEAH, I DID, BUT I CAN'T FIND IT,
ALL RIGHT?
HERE. PERFECT.
LAURENT, THIS-- THIS IS PEANUT BUTTER.
OUI, OUI, PENIS BUTTER.
IT IS AN OLD FRENCH REMEDY, HUH?
TRUST ME. IT WILL KILL THE ITCH.
SO WHAT DO I DO, I JUST PUT IT--
YEAH, YOU JUST--
YEAH, YOU RUB ON THE BALLS.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
PUT ON THE BALLS, YA?
MON FREIOKAY.
GO, GO.
SO, MIA HO, HAVE YOU MADE YOUR MOVE ON DAVE YET?
I'M KIND OF TRYING TO PLAY HARD TO GET WITH HIM.
NO, MIA, YOU CAN'T PLAY HARD TO GET WITH DAVE.
YOU HAVE TO GRAB THAT BULL BY HIS HORN, EH?
YOU THINK SO?
OUI, OF COURSE.
LOOK, WHEN HE COMES OUT OF THERE,
YOU GO TO THAT BULL, YOU GRAB HIS HORN,
AND YOU TUG THIS HORN, EH?
OH, THANKS, LAURENT.
YOU'RE A REALLY GOOD FRIEND.
NO PROBLEM, MIA HO.
THERE IS A VERY ROMANTIC SPOT JUST THIS WAY
OVERLOOKING THE RIVER.
OH, AWESOME.
YES, VERY NICE.
HI, DAVE.
[laughs]
I WILL LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR A MOMENT.
HEY, LET'S GO TAKE A WALK.
ACTUALLY, LAURENT AND I, WE WERE JUST ABOUT--OH.
NO, THANKS, GANJA.
THAT ALCOHOL STUFF WILL MESS UP YOUR BRAIN, MAN.
YEAH,
I GUESS YOU'RE RIGHT.
ROBYN, ARE YOU OKAY?
YEAH, I'M FINE. WHY?
OH, I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE DAVE
WOULD LEAVE YOU OUT HERE ALL ALONE.
HE SAID HE WAS COMING RIGHT BACK.
MM.
SO THERE'S SOMETHING I'VE BEEN MEANING TO TELL YOU.
LAURENT TOLD ME HOW YOU FEEL.
LAURENT-- WAIT, LAURENT WHAT?
YOU KNOW, DAVE IS MY FRIEND AND ALL,
BUT SOMETIMES HE SAYS THINGS WHICH--
OH, NEVER MIND.
NOW, WHAT IS IT, LAURENT?
SOMETIMES DAVE SAYS THINGS ABOUT WOMEN
WHICH I FIND SO OBJECTIFYING, EH?
DAVE?
[laughs]
LAURENT, YOU'RE CRAZY.
DAVE'S THE SWEETEST GUY THAT I KNOW.
WELL, PERHAPS YOU DON'T KNOW HIM TOO WELL, EH?
WAIT, WHAT DID HE SAY?
HOW YOU WANTED TO GET ME OUT HERE ALL ALONE
AND HOW YOU WERE TOO SHY TO.
UM, LISTEN, MIA--
DAVE?
NO--ROBYN! ROBYN! ROBYN!
DON'T LEAVE ME, DAVE!
NOT LIKE THIS.
ROBYN.
ROBYN, PLEASE.
HEY, PLEASE, STOP.
LISTEN, I'M SORRY OKAY? I JUST--
NO, YOU HAVE NOTHING TO BE SORRY ABOUT, DAVE.
JUST GO HAVE FUN WITH MIA HO--
OR YOUR HO OR WHOSE EVER HO SHE IS.
JUST DON'T ASK ME TO WAIT IN THE WOODS FOR YOU, OKAY?
I UNDERSTAND THAT, BUT YOU GOT TO UNDERSTAND;
LISTEN, SHE PULLED ME INTO THE WOODS, OKAY?
AND SHE--
THAT'S JUST BAD FORM, DAVE.
COME, ROBYN, FOR A WALK.
WE WERE STILL TALKING.
OH, HEY, SON.
HI, DAD.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. COME HERE.
SO...
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
DID YOU
GET A CAR?
I DON'T DRIVE.
YOU KNOW, A CAR WITH A WORKING ENGINE?
YOU KNOW? [growls]
NO, YOU KNOW, A CAR.
A CAR THAT YOU COULD HAVE SEX WITH?
OH, UM, ABOUT THAT, DAD,
I WANT A NEW CAR.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T WANT A USED ONE.
AND TO BE HONEST WITH YOU, IT SEEMS LIKE ALL THE NEW ONES
ARE NOT FOR SALE.
WAIT, WHAT DO YOU MEAN, IS IT--
HERE YOU GO, BRO.
WHAT'S UP, MARV?
HEY. OH!
I GOT TO TELL YOU, MY FRIEND,
I THINK I MASTERED THE PITTSBURGH PLATTER.
BOOM! OH!
MASTER IT.
THAT'S RIGHT. YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT.
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
WE'RE GONNA SAVE THAT ONE FOR LATER, NOT NOW.
DAD.
OKAY. LATER, MARV.
I WANT TO HEAR ALL ABOUT IT.
YEAH, YOU WILL.
NO, JUST GO. JUST GO.
HEY, DID YOU GET PEANUT BUTTER IN MY SLEEPING BAG?
(woman on P.A.) WILL THE FOLLOWING STUDENTS PLEASE REPORT
TO MISS LONNATINI'S OFFICE IMMEDIATELY:
DAVE LENNART,
JAY NOBLE,
HASHIME BROWN,
AND GORDON LALLY.
THAT IS ALL.
(Lonnatini) GORDON, GORDON, GORDON.
GOT YOU A GIFT.
I GOT FOR YOU BECAUSE YOU'VE REALLY HIT
A GRAND SLAM.
YOU'VE REALLY KICKED IT
THROUGH THE UPRIGHTS THIS SEMESTER.
THANKS, I'VE BEEN WORKING REALLY HARD.
[laughs] YOU CAN TELL.
YOUR SPANISH THIS YEAR HAS JUST BEEN UNFALTERING.
IT'S BEEN SO GOOD
I GUESS I WOULD HAVE TO SAY...
[speaking Spanish]
[laughing]
OUI, OUI.
YEAH.
AND I THINK WHAT'S BLOWN ME AWAY MOST THIS SEMESTER THOUGH
IS THAT PAPER THAT YOU WROTE FOR YOUR ECONOMICS CLASS.
LEGALIZATION
AND GLOBALIZATION:
A NECESSITY FOR THE AMERICAN ECONOMY.
WOW, THAT IS REALLY SOMETHING.
GOOD JOB, SHANTZ,
UNBELIEVABLE.
I REMEMBER THIS ONE.
OH, DO YOU?
YOU ARE A LYING, CHEATING LITTLE BITCH.
AND YOU GOT YOUR LITTLE BASTARD FLYING MONKEY FRIENDS
TO HELP YOU CHEAT.
AND LUCKY FOR YOU, I CAN'T PROVE THAT.
BUT WHAT I CAN DO IS, I CAN BASE YOUR GRADES
SOLELY ON YOUR FINALS.
YEAH, OH, YOU LOOK WORRIED.
I WOULDN'T WORRY ABOUT CHEATING,
BECAUSE I MADE UP A NEW TEST
ESPECIALLY JUST FOR YOU.
SO HAVE FUN AT THE DANCE TONIGHT.
[driving rock music]
♪ ♪
HELL YEAH.
NICE.
NO, I THINK THIS LOOKS GREAT.
(man) ♪ IT'S A DAYDREAM DIPPED IN BENZINE ♪
♪ IT'S A MEDICATED FRENZY ♪
ROBYN?
YEAH, IT'S KIND OF A LITTLE GIFT FOR HER.
(Jay) TIME TO GET READY, BROTHER.
[snaps]
OKAY, ONE, TWO, THREE.
[camera snaps]
SO WHERE'S ROBYN?
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.
WHERE'S ANITA?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
I'M JUST WONDERING.
I DON'T KNOW.
PROBABLY WITH SOME GUY, SOME MUSEUM GUY.
I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T CARE.
YOU KNOW?
I DON'T CARE.
WHATEVER YOU SAY, MAN.
IF YOU DON'T CARE, I DON'T CARE.
RIGHT ON.
DON'T CARE.
[hip-hop music booming]
♪ ♪
AND THE MESSED UP THING ABOUT IT, MAN,
IS I REALLY LIKE HAMBURGERS.
I REALLY LIKE HAMBURGERS.
DUDE, DID YOU GUYS KNOW THAT WE BOMBED JAPAN TWICE?
GOD, THAT'S REALLY MESSED UP, MAN.
JUST WAIT TILL YOU GET TO CHAPTER NINE, MAN.
WE DO SOME SHIT IN THE '60s.
(man) ♪ LET'S TAKE A RIDE IN MY CAR ♪
♪ HEY, SHORTY, HOW'S IT FEEL TO RIDE WITH A STAR? ♪
♪ IF YOU WANT TO RIDE, LET'S ROLL ♪
♪ YOU KNOW I GOT TIME SO HOP INSIDE ♪
♪ LET'S GO CRUISIN'♪
♪ LET'S TAKE A RIDE IN MY CAR ♪
HI, GANJA.
HI.
WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO DO THAT?
I WATCH A LOT OF B.E.T.
OH.
DO YOU-- DO YOU WANT TO DANCE?
[giggles] OKAY.
HEY.
DO YOU THINK WE COULD TALK FOR A SECOND?
YEAH.
I GET IT, YOU AND MIA.
SHE HAS A GREAT RACK.
I GET IT, SO DON'T WORRY.
WHAT? ME AND MIA?
MM-HMM.
ROBYN, IT'S-- WHAT?
ROBYN, I DON'T LIKE MIA.
SHE WAS ATTACKING ME IN THE WOODS.
SHE ATTACKED YOU?
YES, THAT'S--
LISTEN, I DON'T FEEL LIKE YOU BELIEVE ME.
AND I'M NOT SO GREAT AT EXPLAINING HOW I FEEL,
SO DO YOU MIND JUST LISTENING TO A SONG THAT I BROUGHT?
I THINK IT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING.
YEAH.
YO.
[sensitive guitar music playing]
♪ ♪
♪ ICE COLD BITCHES HERE COMES THE HEAT WAVE ♪
♪ ONLY EAT PUSSY THAT ROCK THE CLEAN SHAVE ♪
WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY, DAVE?
YO, BRO, THIS ISN'T THE SONG--
YOU KNOW WHAT, DAVE, IT'S OKAY.
I DON'T NEED TO BE OBJECTIFIED BY YOU.
ROBYN.
DAVE, WHY YOU KEEP SCREWING UP WITH ROBYN?
YOU DO THIS ON PURPOSE, EH?
NO, MAN, THIS FUCKING GUY BACK HERE.
IT'S THE WRONG SONG.
SHE LOOKS UPSET.
I WILL GO HELP HER.
HEY, BRO,
THAT WAS THE WRONG SONG.
(Dave) I WANT YOU TO PLAY THE RIGHT SONG.
IT SAYS, LIKE, "I HEART ROBYN" OR "I LOVE"--
ALL RIGHT, MAN, ALL RIGHT.
OH, YOU PUT IT-- YEAH, YOU ALREADY PUT IT
ON YOUR COMPUTER; I KNOW YOU DID.
[sensitive guitar music playing]
THANK YOU SO--
YOU KNOW, MAN, NEVER MIND, NEVER MIND.
I...
I WANT YOU TO KNOW, I RESPECT OUR FRIENDSHIP
AND CONSIDER US TO BE, HOW YOU SAY, BEST BUDS.
THANKS, LAURENT.
I COULD REALLY USE A FRIEND RIGHT NOW.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WHAT?
YOU JUST FINISHED TELLING ME WHAT GOOD FRIENDS WE ARE.
OUI, SURE WE'RE FRIENDS,
FRIENDS WHO FUCK IS ALL.
BITCH.
(man) ♪ EVERY DANCE ON THE FLOOR IS A QUICK GLANCE ♪
♪ NOW STOP, STAND STILL, DRINK A POLE ♪
♪ AND FREEZE, FROZE, FREEZE-FRAME ♪
♪ HE'S A PRO SHE'S FOR SHO' ♪
♪ BUT HE'S LAME ♪
♪ IT'S LIKE WE DO BEST ♪
♪ COMING ALL THE WAY FROM THE U.S. TO JAPAN ♪
♪ OVERSEAS, I OVERSEE WHO KNOWS IS ME ♪
♪ THIS IS THE MAN ♪
[sniffling]
ANITA, I-- I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU ALL NIGHT.
HEY, WHAT'S WRONG?
MUSEUM GUY?
YOU WANT ME TO GET SHANTZ TO KICK HIS ASS?
[laughs]
SHUT UP, JAY.
YOU KNOW, I'M GLAD HE'S NOT HERE,
BECAUSE IF HE WERE, THEN YOU WOULD BE WITH HIM
AND NOT WITH ME.
YOU WANT TO GO HOME?
YEAH.
THAT WOULD BE REALLY NICE.
DAVE, HAVE YOU SEEN MY RED SHIRT?
NO. HEY, PUT OUT THAT CIGARETTE, OKAY?
WE'RE NOT FRANCE.
MY MOM'LL KILL YOU.
ARE YOU OKAY, DAVE?
YOU'RE NOT STILL MAD ABOUT ME, ARE YOU, DAVE?
I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.
DAVE, LET ME GO SMOOTH THINGS OVER WITH ROBYN.
SHE DID NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT I WAS SAYING
AT THE DANCE LAST NIGHT.
I WILL RIDE WITH HER THIS MORNING
AND EXPLAIN EVERYTHING.
WHATEVER.
SEE YOU GUYS.
(Jay) SEE YA.
DO YOU THINK LAURENT'S BANGING HER?
NO, BUT HE'S PROBABLY FUCKING YOUR MAMA.
(Jay) YEAH, NOW YOU'RE GETTING IT, GANJA.
(Shantz) DAVE, I'M TELLING YOU,
MIA HO IS THE WAY TO GO.
I MEAN, COME ON, THINK ABOUT IT.
YOU GOT TO FORGET ABOUT ROBYN.
SHE'S GOING TO COLORADO,
AND WE WILL BE BANGING ALL THE WOMEN.
AM I RIGHT?
YEAH, BUT ROBYN IS...
[provocative guitar music]
♪ ♪
I WAS WRONG, DAVE.
I WANT TO BE OBJECTIFIED BY YOU.
OBJECTIFY US.
HI, DAVE.
OH, OH, YEAH.
(Laurent) I TRIED.
SHE IS VERY MUCH BEING A BITCH.
YOU LOOK LIKE SHIT, DAVE.
(Dave) LOOK, GUYS, I'M GONNA HAVE MY MOM TAKE ME IN A LITTLE BIT.
I GOT TO-- I'M NOT READY FOR THAT QUIZ.
SO SEE YOU AT SCHOOL.
OH.
GUYS-- OH, I'M SORRY.
I CAN'T FIND ROBYN'S BOX.
[laughter]
I KNOW, DAVE,
BUT LISTEN, WHAT YOU GOT TO DO
IS JUST TAKE IT EASY.
NO, NO, NOT--
FUCKING IDIOT.
NOT, NOT ROBYN'S BOX.
OH, THE ROBYN BOX.
I THOUGHT YOU MEANT ROBYN'S BOX.
(Dave) NO.
CAN YOU GUYS COME HELP ME FIND IT PLEASE?
I SMELL FRENCH TOAST.
(Dave) MAYBE I GOT THIS ALL WRONG. MAYBE HE DIDN'T TAKE IT.
(Jay) ARE YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T JUST MISPLACE IT SOMEWHERE?
YEAH, I'M PRETTY SURE.
AND MY SEARCHED MY ROOM PRETTY WELL THIS MORNING.
(Jay) MAYBE YOUR MOM TOOK IT.
SHE WAS SUPPOSED TO CLEAN MY ROOM THIS MORNING.
I'M SORRY, GUYS.
WHY DIDN'T YOU THINK ABOUT THAT BEFORE?
IT DIDN'T OCCUR TO ME.
FUCK.
IT'S OKAY. IT'S OKAY, DUDE.
JUST CALL YOUR MOM AND MAKE SURE.
AND NEXT TIME, DAVE, THINK BEFORE YOU FREAK OUT.
I WILL. I'M SORRY.
I'M REALLY EMBARRASSED ABOUT THIS.
I'M SORRY.
FOR A SPLIT SECOND THERE,
I COULD'VE SWORN--
I COULD'VE SWORN THAT--
OH, DUDE, YOU SHOULD PROBABLY...
OH, YEAH, SORRY.
[gasping]
OKAY, OKAY, I'M SORRY.
I TOOK IT TO ROBYN'S HOUSE THIS MORNING TO EMBARASS YOU.
SHE WAS NOT THERE.
I LEFT IT ON THE PORCH.
WHAT? YOU DID WHAT?
ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?
WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
OH, MY GOD, HE'S BEEN SABOTAGING ME
THIS WHOLE TIME, HAVEN'T YOU?
OH, MY GOD.
I BROUGHT YOU ALL THE WAY FROM FRANCE.
YOU COME, AND YOU LIVE IN MY HOUSE,
AND YOU-- YOU MAKE ME SHAVE MY BALLS.
AND THEN YOU MADE ME PUT PEANUT BUTTER ON MY BALLS.
AND THEN YOU STOLE MY GIRL'S BOX.
(Jay) DUDE, WAIT, WAIT,
YOU SHAVED YOUR BALLS?
AND YOU PUT PEANUT BUTTER ON YOUR BALLS?
WHAT THE HELL'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
(Dave) HE TOLD ME IT WOULD WORK.
I WAS JEALOUS, DAVE.
JEALOUS?
YES.
YOU HAVE EVERYTHING HERE.
I LIVE WITH YOUR FAMILY, BUT THEY'RE NOT MY FAMILY.
I HANG OUT WITH YOUR FRIENDS, BUT THEY'RE NOT MY FRIENDS.
AND ROBYN-- I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF.
SHE'S A VIRGIN, DAVE.
AND I THOUGHT SHE LIKE ME.
BUT SHE REALLY LIKES YOU, DAVE.
YOU'RE ALL SHE TALKS ABOUT,
DAVE THIS AND DAVE THAT.
YOU'RE THE ONE SHE REALLY LOVES, DAVE.
I AM SORRY, DAVE.
BUT I PROMISE, I WILL SPEND ALL MY TIME LEFT IN AMERICA
TRYING TO MAKE THINGS BETTER.
NO, YOU KNOW WHAT, JUST DON'T DO A DAMN THING, LAURENT.
YOU'VE DONE ENOUGH.
FROM NOW ON, IT'S MY WAY.
I'LL SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
HM, LOOKS LIKE OUR LITTLE BOY'S GROWN UP.
WOW.
YES.
IT WOULD SEEM THE LITTLE MAN--
HEY, SHUT UP, LAURENT.
OKAY.
ROBYN, WHY COULDN'T WE HAVE JUST TAKEN THE FINAL EXAM
LIKE EVERYONE ELSE?
THE FROG IS JUST LAYING THERE LIKE HE'S GONNA--
AND THE SMELL IS JUST--
ARE WE DONE YET?
YES, WE'RE DONE.
AND IT KIND OF HAS A SMELL LIKE A CHERRY TREE WITH MANURE.
IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
DAVE?
THE FUCK IS THIS?
[panting]
LISTEN, ROBYN, I'M SORRY.
ROBYN, I'M SORRY ABOUT THE BOX, OKAY?
I--I-- IT'S NOT WHAT YOU THINK.
REALLY, I MEAN, I TOLD LAURENT NEVER TO TOUCH--
NEVER TO TOUCH YOUR BOX, RIGHT?
AND THEN, OF COURSE, HE DOES.
YOU KNOW WHAT, IT'S NOT THAT I'M PSYCHO REALLY,
I MADE IT FOR YOU A LONG TIME AGO,
AND I WAS--EVERY YEAR, I PLANNED ON, YOU KNOW,
JUST GIVING IT TO YOU.
AND THEN I JUST-- I DON'T KNOW.
I ENDED UP KEEPING IT FOR MYSELF.
DAVE, DAVE, SLOW DOWN.
LISTEN, ROBYN, I KNOW--
I KNOW THAT I'VE NEVER BEEN GOOD AT TELLING YOU HOW I FEEL.
THAT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS.
IT'S JUST--
OH, IT DOESN'T MATTER.
THE THING WITH MIA AND I,
IT WAS JUST--
DO YOU EVER NOTICE THAT WHEN YOU'RE AROUND,
SOMETHING BAD ALWAYS HAPPENS?
LOOK, I'M SORRY ABOUT THAT.
HERE.
PLEASE DON'T.
THAT WAS GREAT.
YOU COULD'VE PUKED ON JEZ, ALL RIGHT?
SHE LIKES THAT, I HEARD.
I PUKED.
I'M JEZ.
LISTEN, ROBYN, I KNOW YOU'RE MAD RIGHT NOW,
AND I UNDERSTAND, OKAY, BUT...
LOOK, I HAVE TO TELL YOU,
TO WHAT EVERYBODY ELSE HAS BEEN TELLING ME,
AND YOU KNOW, I TRIED PLAYING IT COOL.
I EVEN TRIED PLAYING A ROMANTIC SONG,
BUT THAT BACKFIRED.
I SHAVED MY BALLS.
I SHAVED MY BALLS FOR YOU, ROBYN.
AND HONESTLY I JUST HAVEN'T BEEN LISTENING
TO WHAT MY HEART'S BEEN SAYING.
AND THE TRUTH IS THAT I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT I CAN'T EXPLAIN IT,
AND I WANT TO BE WITH YOU SO BAD
THAT I'M STANDING IN THE HALLWAY RIGHT NOW COVERED IN VOMIT,
SURROUNDED BY A BUNCH OF PEOPLE,
AND IT'S REALLY NOT EXACTLY NOW I PLANNED ON--
[bell rings]
FORGET IT.
THAT'S VERY SWEET, DAVE, BUT YOU CAN'T AFFORD ME.
CLEAN UP YOUR VOMIT.
(man) ♪ FAR AWAY FROM NOW ON LOOKING BACK IS SO HARD ♪
♪ USELESS AND MISLED ♪
NO, YOU HANG UP.
(man) ♪ BROKEN BEFORE YOU COULD START ♪
♪ FORGET ABOUT WHAT'S INNOCENT ♪
♪ AND LAYING BENEATH ALL THE STARS ♪
♪ 'CAUSE I SEE WHAT'S IN YOU ♪
♪ I BELIEVE YOU WILL TOO ♪
♪ IT'S TIME TO GO, TIME TO GO YOUR OWN WAY ♪
♪ IT'S TIME TO GO, TIME TO GO FIND YOUR PLACE ♪
♪ FORWARD FROM WHAT'S LOST ♪
♪ MOVING PAST WHERE YOU ARE ♪
THE BLOWOUT TO END ALL BLOWOUTS.
YES, SIR.
BIGA TASKO.
MAN, WE GOT TO FIND A WAY TO PLAY THIS DAMN TAPE.
(Dave) HEY, HEY.
WHAT'S THE NEWS, DUDE? TELL ME.
I SAY WE NEED A PARTY.
COME ON, THERE'S NO TEST
(Jay) ALL RIGHT, GUYS.
PARTY STARTS AT 10:00.
YOU BEST BE DRUNK BY THEN.
(man) ♪ MAYBE I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU ANYMORE ♪
♪ YOU WON'T REMEMBER HOW I FEEL TODAY ♪
♪ I STILL REMEMBER EVERY ONE OF THE GOOD DAYS ♪
♪ BUT I KNOW IT SEEMS LIKE WE'RE LOSING TIME ♪
[feedback squeals]
(man) I LOVE YOU, JAY!
YES, AND I LOVE YOU TOO.
CLASS OF 2008.
[cheers]
AFTER FOUR YEARS OF CLASSES, TESTS, AND STUDYING,
I'VE COME TO REALIZE MANY, MANY THINGS.
NUMBER ONE, SCHOOL IS
BULLSHIT!
(man) MATH IS GAY!
THAT'S RIGHT, BUDDY.
MATH IS GAY.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT'S NOT GAY?
FRIENDSHIP.
THREE CHEERS TO THAT.
THAT LOYALTY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING.
YOU CAN'T TEACH LOYALTY, MAN.
YOU CAN'T TEACH THAT.
SO WHETHER I'VE KNOWN YOU FOR 18 YEARS...
OR JUST THIS YEAR,
I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW
THAT YOU ALWAYS HAVE A PLACE RIGHT HERE
IN MY HEART.
JAY, HAVE MY BABY!
[cheers]
GO, LIONS!
ARE YOU SURE THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO?
YES, I'M SURE.
I'M NOT GOING TO HIS STUPID PARTY.
SCREW HIM.
I REALLY THINK YOU SHOULD GO.
COME ON, DAVE LOVES YOU.
I WISH I HAD SOMEONE LIKE HIM.
BUT UNTIL THEN, I'M JUST GONNA KEEP DOING WHAT I'M DOING BEST.
HOW DO I LOOK?
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE A GREAT TIME.
ARE YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO GO?
YES, GO.
GOD, I'M FINE.
[cheers]
ME FIX MOVIE.
WHOO!
WE GOT VINTAGE PORN!
I LOVE YOU!
I LOVE THIS GUY!
[driving rock music]
♪ ♪
HEY, GUYS.
WHAT'S GOING ON, MAN?
WHAT'S UP, BRO?
HERE, HAVE MY BEER.
(Dave) I'M JUST GLAD TO HAVE YOU GUYS AROUND.
IT'S REALLY GOOD TO KNOW
THAT THE NEXT FOUR OR FIVE YEARS
WE'LL ALL BE TOGETHER.
NEXT STOP,
"O" STATE.
ACTUALLY, DAVE...
WHAT?
AFTER 12 YEARS OF SCHOOL, MAN,
I JUST DON'T THINK I'M READY TO GO BACK YET.
AND THERE ARE SOME PLACES OUTSIDE OF AMERICA
THAT I'D LIKE TO SEE FIRST.
LIKE BRAZIL.
THAT'S GREAT, MAN.
I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU GUYS.
THESE TWO KNUCKLEHEADS WITH ME, RIGHT?
M.I.T. OFFERED ME A FULL RIDE.
I GOT TO TAKE IT.
WAIT, ARE YOU SERIOUS?
YEAH, IT'S WHAT I WANT TO DO.
(Dave) COOL, MAN.
WELL, SINCE WE'RE ON THE TOPIC, DAVE....
SORRY, BUDDY.
I'M JUST NOT THAT SMART.
BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
BUT I JUST WANTED TO MAKE SURE WE ALL HAD A GOOD TIME TONIGHT.
I GET IT.
YOU GUYS ARE TOTALLY MESSING WITH ME.
DON'T DO THAT, MAN.
COME ON, LET'S--
BRO, WE'RE NOT.
SORRY, MAN.
I MEAN, WHAT HAPPENED TO FRIENDS FOREVER
AND ALL THAT SHIT, HUH?
IT'S GOOD TO KNOW.
SEE YOU GUYS LATER.
HE TOOK IT ALL RIGHT.
HOW YOU DOING, MAN?
REMEMBER THAT TIME WE GOT REALLY, REALLY DRUNK
AND TOOK A PISS ON THAT GUY'S CAR?
YES.
I FEEL LIKE THE CAR.
IT'S NOT OVER, DAVE.
I'M GONNA COME VISIT YOU, BRO.
YEAH, I KNOW.
IT'S JUST, I DON'T KNOW, MAN,
I THOUGHT THINGS WERE SUPPOSED TO BE DIFFERENT.
THIS ISN'T HOW THE STORY SHOULD END.
NICELY DONE.
HI, ROBYN.
THANK YOU.
FOR WHAT?
THE PICTURES, THE LETTERS.
MY FAVORITE LOTION.
DAVE, THAT'S THE SWEETEST THING
ANYONE'S EVER DONE FOR ME.
I WISH YOU WOULD'VE TOLD ME
HOW YOU FELT EARLIER.
ROBYN, LISTEN, I'VE BEEN IN LOVE WITH YOU
SINCE THE FIFTH GRADE.
I GOT YOU A PRESENT.
THE SOCK IN THE BOX WAS GROSS.
SO I GOT YOU THESE.
UM, THANKS?
I MEAN, THEY'RE A LITTLE GAY THOUGH.
THEY'RE FOR ME.
I WANT TO SPEND THE NEXT FOUR YEARS
MAKING UP FOR THE PAST SEVEN.
I'D LIKE THAT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
COME WITH ME.
OKAY.
(man) ♪ NOW THAT YOU'RE FAR ENOUGH BEHIND ME ♪
♪ I SHAKE IT OFF AND WALK AWAY ♪
♪ SO I CAN BREATHE AGAIN ♪
♪ WAKE UP THESE FEELINGS DEEP INSIDE OF ME ♪
♪ I'M EVER SO USED TO BEING LOST ♪
♪ BUT NOW ♪
♪ I'M UP AND I'M NEVER COMING DOWN ♪
♪ DON'T THINK THAT I'LL EVER HIT THE GROUND ♪
♪ DIE FREE AND I'M LOOKING OUT FOR ME ♪
♪ THIS TIME AROUND ♪
♪ I'M UP AND I'M NEVER COMING DOWN ♪
♪ DON'T THINK THAT I'LL EVER HIT THE GROUND ♪
♪ DIE FREE AND I'M LOOKING OUT FOR ME ♪
♪ THIS TIME AROUND ♪
(Shantz) HIT IT, BIG GUY.
OH, YES!
BEND HER OVER!
WHOO!
THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL A MANAGE A TROIS, FRENCHY.
THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL--
WHOA, WHOA, WAIT A MINUTE.
SHANTZ, IS THAT YOUR DAD?
OH, MY GOD.
WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?
[laughing]
(Shantz) STOP IT, STOP IT, STOP IT.
JUST CUT IT! JUST CUT IT!
STOP!
TURN IT OFF!
♪
(man) ♪ IT'S LIKE I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE ♪
♪ EVERYONE CHANGES ♪
♪ NOW YOU'VE GONE A BIT TOO FAR ♪
♪ IT JUST GOES ON AND ON AND I JUST CAN'T HOLD ON ♪
♪ THIS SOUNDS LIKE MY LEAST FAVORITE SONG ♪
♪ WHEN IT'S BLOWING UP MY RADIO ♪
♪ WHEN I TRY TO TUNE YOU OUT BUT THERE'S NO DOUBT ♪
♪ YOU'RE GONNA BE STUCK INSIDE MY HEAD ♪
♪ ALL OVER AGAIN ♪
♪ ♪
♪ I'M SICK OF EVERYTHING I HEAR ♪
♪ WISH I COULD CLOSE MY EYES AND YOU JUST DISAPPEAR ♪
♪ 'CAUSE YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE STAR ♪
♪ BUT YOUR SPARKLE FADES UNTIL I CAN'T FEEL YOU ANYMORE ♪
♪ IT JUST GOES ON AND ON AND I JUST CAN'T HOLD ON ♪
♪ THIS SOUNDS LIKE MY LEAST FAVORITE SONG ♪
♪ WHEN IT'S BLOWING UP MY RADIO ♪
♪ WHEN I TRY TO TUNE YOU OUT BUT THERE'S NO DOUBT ♪
♪ YOU'RE GONNA BE STUCK INSIDE MY HEAD ♪
♪ ALL OVER AGAIN ♪
[guitar solo]
♪ ♪
♪ I WAKE UP WE MAKE UP ♪
♪ EVERYTHING FEELS LIKE IT SHOULD AGAIN ♪
♪ BUT EVERYTHING'S ALL WRONG ♪
♪ IT JUST GOES ON AND ON AND I JUST CAN'T HOLD ON ♪
♪ THIS SOUNDS LIKE MY LEAST FAVORITE SONG ♪
♪ WHEN IT'S BLOWING UP MY RADIO ♪
♪ WHEN I TRY TO TUNE YOU OUT BUT THERE'S NO DOUBT ♪
♪ YOU'RE GONNA BE STUCK INSIDE MY HEAD ♪
♪ ALL OVER AGAIN ♪
♪ IT JUST GOES ON AND ON AND I JUST CAN'T HOLD ON ♪
♪ THIS SOUNDS LIKE MY LEAST FAVORITE SONG ♪
♪ ALL OVER AGAIN ♪